I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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