That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize