i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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