What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize