You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
