y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
