nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
