I faked an abortion last night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
