Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
