I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
