ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
