Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think i have two assholes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
