singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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