before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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