Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This toilet bowl is my home.
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