It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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