And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
