My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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