I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
