i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
