Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
