Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
