I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
