we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
