I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
