Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
