I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
