:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
