My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
