wrigley field is MILF paradise
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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