FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
