Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
