Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
