I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
