believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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