I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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