Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
