You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this hospital has no fireball
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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