There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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