She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
