Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
