ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
