just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
