'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
