finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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