the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
