I've blown a few things in my day
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
