dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
