youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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