Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
