I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
