I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
