At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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