Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
