Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
