Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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