Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
