i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
