Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
