what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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