he thought i was a dude.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
im on a boat
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