Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
