And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
