kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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