Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
