Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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