she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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