I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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