Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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