the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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