I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
