Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize