if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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