Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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