Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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