Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
