I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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